Dear Emerson Undergrads

My list of grievances against you is long, but today I will focus on your grossest and most common offense: smoking. Listen kids, this old lady has some news for you: smoking is disgusting. You block my path into buildings with your smoke clusters, and guess what? You don't look cool. You look like a failed imitation of coolness, which is just embarrassing. Plus, you're not going to look young forever, and when you're futilely rubbing night cream into your prematurely aged skin you'll be sorry. So take it from someone who knows, and go spend your money on something better. Even if that is just another pair of American Apparel black leggings.

PS I know what you're thinking, and your right. I am a hypocrite. But I think occasionally having a drag from a cigarette when I'm drunk isn't the same.

H to the Izzle

I'm on the Grammar Girl daily email list, which is usually a snooze fest, and she finally emailed me about something I care about:

The Oxford English Dictionary doesn't commit to "hurray" being the origin of "yay" but does mention it as one possibility. I traced the dates of words that could be origins of "yay" and thought the results were interesting.

1450 Hissa
1682 Huzza
1716 Whurra
1773 Hurrea
1855 Hurray
1865 Hooroar
1888 Hooray
1963 Yay


Huzza is still circulating, but I want to make a plug for bringing back Whurra and Hooroar. They sound scary. I am going to shout them the next time I am drunk in a crowded public area. Just one step at a time.

Grad School,

Were you always this hard? Because I hate you. I mean I really hate you to the point that I want to drop out and lay on my mom's couch just to recover from the thought of how much homework I have due. I'm not sure this is all it was cracked up to be. I'm not sure I want to stick around for another year and a half. You are seriously no fun this semester. It's been less than a month, but already I need a vacation.

dear acorns

you are adorable and cute, two of my friends have your picture tattooed on their arms, and you herald the arrival of the fall, my favorite season. many cultures have linked you with fertility and life, but this year i am scared of you. as i bike down the vfw parkway i feel like you may be conspiring to end my life. there are so many of you covering the ground i try to bike upon. i think you would have sent me tumbling into on coming traffic if it weren't for my fancy hybrid bike's thick tires.

i know this is a problem for the city of boston. they should have more bike lanes and better road maintenance, but i've got to work with what we've got and right now that's a lot of you little guys. lets just try to stay out of each others way, and i hope that everything will be alright. i am planning on whimping out about biking just as soon as it gets real cold anyway.

warning people: this is a real problem in boston right now. and if you don't believe me...

http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/09/26/acorn_crop_explosion_has_people_running_for_cover/?page=1

Rambling Man

This is me and my cousin Elaine enjoying some quality time in the car.

Scralifornia

My visit to the Bay Area was almost two weeks long, but it flew like nothing. The fact that I go crazy after being in NYC for over four days and can chill in SF with no end in sight means a lot. Mostly that I freaking love it there. Here are the highlights:

1. Lying in the Dolores Park: It's still a clusterfuck of trustfund layabouts, but I don't let their vintage sweaters or 40s get me down any more. That's right. After a year in Boston I no longer discriminate against hipsters in my people watching. I was simply delighted to see sexy people in cute clothes (and no khakis) I just sat back and enjoyed the view.
2. Food, food, glorious food: So many tacos. I tried to eat at least one a day. In the end I feel off, but I did my best. The restaurants of the Mission are better than my momma's kitchen (by a lot). Soyrizo I miss you already.
   
3. Walking: Right now I live on a tree lined street, and can walk my dog for hours without stepping over turds, used condoms or syringes. This is lovely, but nothing beats a nice walk through the city. So many sights and sounds; coffee shops to stop in and little stores to browse. Sigh.
4. Friends: Ok, these folks clearly come first before tacos and people watching, but it seems annoying to start my list out that way. All I will say is that once upon a time I had friends, and I had enough friends to feel apart of a community. I had enough acquaintances to feel like I was a part of a scene, but that was much less important. There are so many people I love in the Bay Area, I don't know how I ever left. I also don't know when I'm coming back.
5. Redwoods: You are so giant and magestic how can you be real? I went camping in Guerneville and Pescadero and the trees made me feel like I was living in a hobbit land.
   

SHORTY!!!`

Shorty's got class--oh behave!

Dear Mr. Sushi,

You are my favorite place to eat sushi in Brookline. Eleza and I plan trips to Coolidge Corner just to visit you. I bring you new customers frequently, I show you so much love. Why then, why do you queer corner me at every opportunity?

Last night Eleza and I were marched through a restaurant full of empty tables and seated in the back. Our waitress very nice, but my view of the bathroom detracted from my pleasure. I couldn't believe it when halfway through the meal two other dykes joined us in exile. Eleza and I started laughing which then seemed rude like we were laughing at them. But I hope they got it. The final straw was when the waitress brought them our check--they looked nothing like us.

My love of Mr. Sushi remains strong, but I am going to start refusing to go to the back of the bus. No more gay ghettos (unless they're self imposed).

Cheese BurGer

I know that Robot, it's Thomas of the Rude Mechanics in Austin!

Goodbye MJ

The passing of Michael Jackson upset me for various reasons. A large factor being that his music was the soundtrack to my childhood, but another is what he represents to me as a queer person. I am hesitant to claim him for our camp, but one honest look at his gender performance and I know there can be no other way.

Throughout his life the rhetoric around his cosmetic surgery remained at a base level, and the jokes, "he was a young black man who grew up to be a white woman," might of told the truth but mocked it.

To me, Michael Jackson was a trans woman who never got the chance to come out. Someone who was not attracted to women, and had to repress his gay impulses. The Catholic Church has shown us that sexual repression is the quickest way to pedophilia.

His music was the anthem of my childhood. In the time of tapes, one summer we played the Beat It album so many times it broke in the car stereo. The car my brother Craig had named The Beat It. It was he who objected whenever we played anything else.
By the time I was an adult MJ represented everything terrible about this country: the pain of racism, capitalism, and transphobia played out on his body. I cried and felt depressed when he passed. My friend said that she couldn't believe he'd died , but she also couldn't believe he was still alive.

Friday night I went out to a club and when the dj put on Wanna Be Startin' Somethin the crowd went wild. I think what I need is a whole night of danching to just MJ to heal my heart and gladden my soul.

No, the other Campagna

But that's not actually the Campagna my family is from. We're from up North, hence my great-grandma having red hair. But instead of a poignant tale of heroics during the Holocaust, my people have a tale of urban sprawl. I do like that we were near the Tiber:

The Roman Campagna (Italian: campagna romana), or just Campagna, is a low-lying area surrounding Rome in the Lazio region of central Italy, with an area of approximately 2,100 km² (800 m²). Geographically, it is bordered by the Sabini mountains to the northeast, the Alban Hills to the southeast, on the southwest by the Tyrrhenian Sea and the Tolfa and Sabatini mountains to the northwest. The River Tiber runs through the area.

During the Ancient Roman period, it was a popular residential area, but it was abandoned during the Middle Ages due to malaria and insufficient water supplies for farming needs. The region was reclaimed in the 19th and 20th centuries for use in mixed farming and new settlements have been built. Starting with the fifties of last century, the expansion of Rome destroyed large parts of the Campagna, especially east and south of the city.

Campagna, Italy

Location of Campagna in Italy
Country	Italy
Region	Campania
Province	Salerno (SA)
Mayor	Biagio Luongo
Elevation	410 m (1,345 ft)
Area	135 km² (52.1 sq mi)
Population
- Total	15,518
- Density	115/km² (298/sq mi)
Time zone	CET, UTC+1
Coordinates	40°40′0″N 15°6′0″E / 40.66667°N 15.1°E / 40.66667; 15.1
Gentilic	Campagnesi
Dialing code	0828
Postal code	84022
Frazioni	Camaldoli, Galdo, Mattinelle, Puglietta, Quadrivio, Romandola-Madonna del Ponte, Santa Maria La Nova, Serradarce.
Patron	Sant'Antonino abate
- Day	14 February
Website: http://www.comune.campagna.sa.it/

Campagna is a small town and comune of the province of Salerno, in the Campania region of Southern Italy.

The town, located in a mountainous district, gradually lost importance in the 20th century. All its district offices have been moved to other cities since the 1930s, and the Diocese of Campagna merged with the Archdiocese of Salerno in 1973.

During World War II, Campagna was the site of an internment camp. The Bishop Giuseppe Maria Palatucci turned the camp into a shelter for Italian and foreign Jews, many of them sent there for protection by his nephew Giovanni Palatucci; Giovanni was later honored as a Righteous Among the Nations by the Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial.

Panorama of Campagna

Challenge!

Due to budget constraints I am going to challenge myself to not eat in restaurants for an entire month starting today. I'll let you know how I do.

dear lil wayne

based on what i have read about you, interviews, articles and such, i think you have an addiction problem. you drink cough syrup mixed with soda all the time, and only eat candy. i think you, like me, might be a sugar addict. i would like to recommend the book sugar blues, i think a smart guy like yourself could get into it.

i know you are a genius because how else could you function, let alone produce good music, with the amount of toxins you put in your system. but now is not the time to let ego get in the way. think of the kind of music you could create if your body was being nourished instead of abused.

dear tina fey

i love you. thank you for being brilliant. mean girls is one of my all time favorite movies. based on a book of feminist theory and starring lindsay lohan and rachel mcadams. what more could a gay women's studies major want? you were the first lady head writer at SNL and made me believe that lauren michaels wasn't an aging, tasteless loser.

then came 30 rock. i resisted for so long, but only cause i was scared. scared of being disapointed once again. i was so missing out. it lifts me up when i am down, teaches me new things, and takes me places i never thought i would go with television. you are my shero.

Boom Boom POW

More good times.

I fell down the stairs at my mom's house last week. I cried a lot and told my cousin, who fell down the same stairs just a couple weeks before, I was moving out. It hurt a lot. This is a picture of my bruise(d ass).

Fave New Word

is Charismatic megafauna! Say it with me three times real fast. I heard it when I was drunk at a party, so it didn't stay with me at first. But now, thanks to Aleah and Wikipedia I'll never forget.

Charismatic megafauna are large animal species with widespread popular appeal that environmental activists use to achieve conservation goals well beyond just those species. Examples include the Giant Panda, the Bengal Tiger, and the Blue Whale.^{[citation needed]}

babies

my two favorite things!

the office

i send a lot of kids to the office. never thought i would, and last year i certainly didn't, but it helps create and maintain order. here is an example of what gets kids sent to the office in my class:

7 grade--tallkid* touches smallkids* butt
me: that is inappropriate, don't touch his butt
tallkid: but i'm gay
me: it doesn't matter if you're gay, you don't get to touch people in class
tall kid(pulling boy onto him): but he's my boyfriend
me: i think you're making a joke out of being gay and that's homophobic
whole class yells: we're not homophobic, its ok to be gay, ha ha ha!, ect.

shortkid laughs, tallkid is cradling him. i make them separate. tallkid tries to touch shortkids butt again in a more graphic manner. i bounce tallkid to office, shortkid writes I LOVE GAY PEOPLE on a drawing of a banana, then goes over and stuffs his hand in and out of a yoda doll that was part of a sculpture. i take shortkid to the office, banana picture in hand and present it to the VP.

moral: assualt on star wars figures will not be tolerated.

*if i thought there was any chance in hell these kids were actually gay i would have had a talk with them privately. but they seemed like big jocks, later i found out tallkid has some issues and touching is one of them.

the future

its weird how you can look at kids and see their whole lives before them. kids that can't handle getting tagged out in sharks and minnows or capture the flag are going to have long miserable lives. likewise, the kids that are extremely talented at sports and good looking, well i just want to walk over and say "you lucky little weasel." then there are the gay kids.

its hard for the boys. gender and sexuality being too different things i should probably say that i'm talking about the effeminate boys. one kid like that came into class really angry today and i wanted to take him aside and tell him it was going to be ok. but i don't really know what his problem is and i can't have those convos as a sub. however, by the end of class he apologized for his behavior. he is very emo, it was super sweet. breaks my heart.

Eminem Gets Tea Bagged

MTV Shows

I love you Sasha Baron Cohen!

Kids Say

2nd Grade
both kids have some cognitive delays, but kid2 was described to me as a grumpy old man trapped in an eight year olds body (a la benjamin button).

Kid1 He can't eat milk cause hes lactose intolerant
Kid2 (angrily) It's true
Kid 1 What happens when you drink milk?
Kid 2 I don't want to talk about it--it's a toilet problem!

Kindergarten
Child Your hair looks crazy
Me It's supposed to look that way, I did it on purpose

2nd Grade Art Class
Assignment is to create a fable. Lots of kids drew zombies, others drew comics:
Mr Hotdog took his son to the cemetery to visit grandpa hot dogs grave.
Moral: Just because your grandpa dies doesn't mean your homeless

There was once a dog named Dan and a wolf squirrel named Sissy...
Moral: Don't judge a book by it's cover

First Grade Science

I have to approve/assist the children with their worksheets. Here is what one girl observed today during science (I have greatly improved the spelling):

I observered my caterpillar is dead. I wonder how he got dead.

I Want to Party

with Isabella Rossellini. She is clearly the coolest and craziest lady ever.

7 Grade Continues to Hurt

Seventh grade was my least favorite year of life, and not surprisingly is my least favorite grade to teach. The gender performances, whereby the girls act like whiffle ball is beyond their capabilities, are painful, overdramatized, and unconvincing.

Students were much better in my eighth grade class except one girl burst into tears during a basketball game and wouldn't tell me what happened. She also didn't stop crying for forty minutes. Finally another student got out of her that she feels isolated, lonely, and depressed. She was upset that no one was passing her the ball.

Sad times.

Kindergarten is the opposite. The kids are fearful and skeptical of me at the beginning of the day, but then become adoring. After I agreed to hold hands while escorting a girl to gym she turned around and whispered "I love you." It was hilarious. Later she wanted to kiss my arm and we had to establish the rule of no kissing in school. An important boundary.

The Sun Is Shining

This blog is starting to read like my journal: a lot of negative complaining. So here are 10 good things about my life right now:

1. I am in love with my new cat Special Agent Gibbs, he is an amazing creature.
2. In two weeks I go to Provincetown to do a workshop on writing from the adolescent POV
3. I have been making a lot of mix cds, which is really fun
4. My family is gone and I have my room back
5. My father called to take me to breakfast yesterday
6. I play Lady Gaga while the kids play tag or soccer
7. I've been going on 10 mile bike rides
   
8. I got two pair of cute sunglasses
9. I've been subbing which means I'll have more $$ than if I hadn't been subbing
10. I danced my bum off last night wth my bff at the Diesel Prom
    

A Life Less Temporary

I subbed a few days last week, and found myself at the high school for the first time. Its changed but still very much the same. I shared with the first class that "I went to this high school...in the 90s--yay!" They looked me like I was a serious loser, so I stopped telling anyone but the other teachers about my alumni status. There were some nice students but it didn't really matter because all I had to do was show videos. If you can press play on a dvd, you can sub for high school English. For history class I showed a dvd on the 1950s in which Hugh Heffner and a woman who protested the intergration of schools at Little Rock are interviewed. Inappropriate.

One kid came in, put his bag down, stayed for attendance, and ask to use the bathrom. He didn't come back for forty minutes. I wrote a note narcing him out, but also included his explaination (got pulled into his guidence counselor--no, his deans--office). But high school distain is gravy compared to the intense malice of seventh graders. More to come on this next.

Basta Familia

My family has been visiting since last Thursday and will be here for another week. It's too much, I tell you, too much. The first morning I found my cousin sleeping on top of a pearl handled pistol. Are we back in prohibition? Did things get a little wild at the juke joint last night and she thought some of the boys had followed her home? No. We're in West Roxbury, one of the safest parts of Boston. Guns are unnecessary, and sleeping on one is totally unacceptable. After we fought about this she started sleeping with steak knives, which is an improvement. I think the gun has been stashed in the car, but I'm not sure what will be done about her intense paranoia.

Yesterday we had a our annual bbq, which was rained on literally--by water falling from the sky--and figuratively by all the inappropriate alcoholics. At one point I was instructed to hide a giant (1750 ml) bottle of Baileys that my uncle and his highly medicated friend seemed intent on polishing off. There was many an awkward conversation to be weaseled out of, and a couple of creepy dudes to avoid. Finally all the younger people remembered we have cars and licenses and got the hell out of there. Regrouping later at a bar where we healed the pain by creating a top 10 list of the biggest crazies of the party. But a few of the "old ones" (as my brothers call them) were still raging when I got home at midnight. It was such a fun, carefree time, I wonder why I spent my childhood glued to the desert table at family functions.

No Me Gusta

So Costa Rica wasn't the dream vacation I had hoped. Torrance had to bail at the last moment for family reasons, which was upsetting on multiple levels. I amassed an injury count to beat the band:
Day 1 bitten by ant with real teeth
Day 3 horrible sunburn
Day 4 stung by stingray in the foot
Day 5 stung by bee in the forehead (after yoga on the beach)
Last day stepped on a crab

Somewhere in between all that my credit card stopped working and I had a serious breakdown. I'm not the luckiest person ever, but I've traveled a fair bit, and this was a bad trip for me. Just one thing after another. I was in so much pain from the stingray--they said it would take 45 min to feel better, then 2 hours, or 3, and finally 24. But guess what? It hurt for days, not the horrible, intense pain of the moment, but a real crappy, owie foot feeling for a week.

Nosara-Where the Streets Are Paved In Molasses

I'm not kidding, it's smelly and there are giant yellowish-brown puddles in the road. Its the rainy season and things get quite muddy, hard to navigate in flip flops for sure.

Nosara is a surf haven, and the beginning of the trip was dominated by trying to learn. That was all put on hold as of yesterday when I was stung by a sting ray in the foot. It hurt so much, apparently it makes grown men cry like babies and is supposed to be worse than childbirth. I wouldnt know, but I cried enough to make the doctor give me an opiate dirivitive. Then the surf people sucked out the venom. It was a dark red little blob, get it out of me!

The trip hasnt been relaxing because surfing is quite a workout, and I got wicked sunburned the first day. The second day we went canopy zip lining, which was one of the most terrifying expereinces of my life. The men that took us up were serious tricksters, it felt like we were on the costa ricaian version of jackass. Except I was the fool who paid to risk my life.

Then yesterday was the sting ray incident which put me out of commission. I may try to go surfing tomorrow if I am up for it, but I feel cursed now. Its pretty uncommon to get stung, so apparently I have bad luck. Hopefully there will be no more mishaps.

Gender roles down here are intense, but Ill write more on that later.

Los Hombres Son Guapos, Pero Soy Gay

Neither of us packed an alarm (why would we do such a helpful thing?), and the front desk failed to awaken us this morning. Just as they failed to pick us up on time from the airport. So we nearly missed our safari tour. The tour guide Tomas was loco en la cabeza and Im not sure I liked him, but parts of the trip was good. We cruised around on a river boat and saw baby crocidiles and then tramped around in the rain forest where I was attacked by solider ants. They have actual teeth! True to form I was devoured by mosquitos, but got to splash around in the brown Carribean Sea which took the sting out.

We were stuck in traffic coming home because there was an accident on the highway in the cloud forest, and ended up hanging out in the middle of a road for an hour. Jen and I got dolled up and went out to a Lebanese bar-club where we were quickly befriended by two dudes from the US. One was seriously macking on Jen, the other was my anarchist soul mate. We talked politics for hours, it was awesome. Hes orginally from CA and sounds like a major stoner, every other word was "dude." Being extremely tired, I fled the club despite his offer of taking me to a spot to score some ganga. Jen decided to stay behind with her novia neuvo, but I have his government id, should anything happen to her.

Llegamos!

Jen didnt sleep last night and I only got a few hours, so we are not playing with a full deck, but we are here. After traveling for what felt like many days, we arrived in San José this afternoon. On the plane I realized that I forgot my bathing suit and new, green tank top. FML. Jen realized she forgot her make-up case and was equally devastated.

San Jose is not cute or charming, as I was warned, and reminds me of San Salvador where I spent a depressed semester teaching English as an undergrad. However, our time here will be brief. Tomorrow we are going on tour of the Caribbean coast with the unfortunately named Jungle Tom Safaris. And Sunday we take off for beach-yoga paradise when the rest of the homies arrive.

The good news is that our hostel is located next to an Indian food restaurant. Super random but really yummy. The bad news is a train goes by our window every twenty minutes blowing its horn as loud as possible. If I wasnt totally sleep deprived I might be worried. As it is, Im going to have another Imperial, the official beer of Costa Rica, and collapse into bed.

STILL HATE FINALS

i thought that maybe i was losing my shit because i stopped taking prozac (i'll show you, stupid doctor at my school clinic!). but then i looked around emerson and realized that's only part of it. something even worse than the swine flu is going around right now: finals.

i also thought things would get better after i went on a spiritual pilgrimage to gillette stadium, but not so. i saw the dali lama yesterday, he wore many robes and looked snuggly which was nice, but not all i was hoping for. many people said he sounded like yoda, but i heard tom waitts. the audio was all f-ed up during the morning session so today i know about as much as the 4 noble truths as i ever did. they fixed it for the afternoon talk which was a massive improvement. he laughed when someone asked for an example of one simple thing they could do to bring about world peace TODAY. his answer: nothing, it's really complicated. make a miracle fall out of the sky? it was hilarious. in the end he settled for telling us to use less water and work to conserve ecology.

i pity the fool who is me because i have finals.

$$$

I have less than a week left and if I had any money I would pay someone to write my final paper for me, and take my copyediting test. However, I have no money. I am so broke that I am actively hoping to find $500 on the street between now and next Friday when I fly to Costa Rica. Hate finals.

Finals

Tonight I turn in my final story for my workshop class. I have one more due in my Lit class, but the end is near and I am rejoicing. Since beginning grad school, I have written seven short stories in eight months. I got scared when I realized how fast I'd have to crank em out, but being productive feels really good. Thanks to all my friends who have provided feedback and support. I am especially grateful for Torrance who thinks everything I do is gold, she is an important counter balance to the world of workshops.

In other equally important news, I finally saw Twilight, the movie. It was amazing. I'm not kidding. I intend to purchase my own DVD copy and host parties over the summer. I can't wait for summer.

Laughs for Nerds

If you study copyediting long enough this stuff really starts to seem funny.

Teabag Dick Armey

I love watching these hot, smart lesbos talking about teabagging. The Ron Paul event is "being perverted by the current teabaggers," eh Ana Marie Cox?



Right-wing Republicans are definitely going to need a "dick army."

Gay Fish, Yo

Any Takers?

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

R.I.P. High Profile Lesbos

I have surfaced from my studying long enough to learn that America's fave butch-femme couple, Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, have split. In true dyke drama fashion, there is talk of restraining orders. Awesome. Both of them seem super cray cray, but I enjoyed seeing pictures of their gay love in tabloids. Although the use of the term "galpal" needs to be outlawed (pun intended).

Good News!

I found out that I only have to edit one article for my copyediting class and I thought I had to do two. I am choosing to look on the bright side of this, rather than feel angry that I started working on both of them. They didn't lie to me in my elementary school learning skills class: reading closely, paying attention, and being organized would have saved me time and worry. Damn those well intentioned student teachers. Perhaps now I have learned my lesson, but probs not.

Misery, I Call You Late Winter

Only a month left of school, no more snow, friends visiting, looking forward to Costa Rica. I should be in a good mood, right? No, I'm not! My patience has run out. I want school to be over now. I rue the day I signed up for the copyediting class. I wish I could pay someone to finish my electronic editing assignment that's due on Thursday.

The long slow dragging time between winter and spring is a f-ing killer. All my friends at school are also cranky pants, so I know it's not just me. Our collective morale is low. Come June, I will have taken a year and a half worth of credits in one year. I should feel proud of myself, right? I don't! I curse the ambition and enthusiasm that cause me to take on a giant workload. Why is it so hard for me to take it easy?

Well no more! The next year and a half of school I'm only taking classes that sound fun. Except for next fall. I've already signed up for Teaching Freshman English, which is supposed to be really hard. But after that, I swear I'm going to chill.

An Ode to Grad School

I wanted you, worked hard
So many highs and lows
Years of rejection and nights left wondering

You said you'd be mine
And my heart overflowed
Visions of happiness, dreams fulfilled
I was so eager, so impatient to know
All your secrets
There was so much to learn

So I took an extra class,
And then another
And now all I do is dream of summer

Live From West Rox

Boston -- West Roxbury

So Excited

FIRST LADY OF FITNESS

The Chicago Sun Times is killing me with their "US Magazine" inspired coverage of the Obamas:

No one disputes that Michelle Obama has earned the right to bare arms. They are perfectly toned. They aren't scary like Madonna's guns, or skinny like the Olsen twins' useless appendages.

"Michelle Obama's arms are attractive because they are toned enough for you to see the muscle distinction but not to the point that it takes away from her femininity," says Jennifer Smith, fitness and sports director at the High Ridge YMCA in Rogers Park. "This proves that women can do weight training exercises and reach their desired results without bulking up."

Some are going even further in their praise. On the Huffington Post, media maven Bonnie Fuller wrote that she sees them as nothing less than symbols of the audacity of hope. "Michelle's strong arms convey the message that if she can personally hug and lift us out of a lousy economy and a lack of top health care or education for everyone, she will," Fuller said.

Michelle Obama (left) has earned the right to bare her arms, which are perfectly toned. Jennifer Smith of the YMCA demonstrates one exercise to help build the perfect arms.

I don't think Michelle can hug us out of the economic crisis, but maybe she could use her big, smart brain instead? She's a lawyer, people, Harvard Law School.

U.S. Administration Can Spell W-O-M-E-N

The Obama's are the gift that keep giving. Michelle is talking about the importance of eating locally grown veggies, and on International Women's Day, she and Hill teamed up to drop some feminist knowledge on the State Department. It's so refreshing to hear Hillary Clinton saying cool things again. We had to wait a long time, but it's good:

You "can't solve problems of financial crisis, climate change, disease and poverty if half of the population is left behind," Clinton said. The rights of women will "always be central to our foreign policy."

In a commentary published Monday in honor of International Women's Day, Clinton warned that "women still comprise the majority of the world's poor, unfed and unschooled."

Weasels Gone Wild, Spring Break '09!

Spring break began for me on Thursday at 9:20pm, when I busted out of my copy editing class after finishing the midterm (don't think I did well). Since then I've been up to all manner of crazy hijinks. First thing I did was take myself down to the Tam, a nice dive bar near Emerson, scrape together all my coins, and buy a PBR. I've had a little cash flow problem the past few weeks, so that was all I could afford, but the bartender said she didn't mind me paying with quarters. We're in a recession after all.

Things have only gotten more awesome since then. Friday I went to Harvard Square with Tory, and ate Indian Food while watching Californiacation and Wizard People, Dear Reader (cray cray). Saturday I took my grammy out to thai food with my cousin, Jen, which was just about the sweetest thing anyone has ever seen. And today I quilted and watched Keeping Up With the Kardashians (too sickening for words). How will I detox from such toxic pop culture? With a four day stay at Kripalu of course!



My mom and I leave tomorrow for our yoga retreat adventure, and I am so excited. Here is part of our itinaray: Tue 3/10
6:30–7:45 am Kripalu Gentle and Moderate Yoga Classes
9:00–10:30 am Ayurveda: Life in Balance
Come learn simple, everyday approaches for increasing your health and vitality through Ayurveda, an ancient approach to health care that originated in India. Ayurvedic wisdom teaches us to connect with our deepest selves, the source of all healing.
11:00–11:50 am Breath of Yoga, Breath of Life
Explore the integrative power of breath, both on and off the yoga mat. We'll talk, move, meditate, and breathe. All levels welcome!
12:00–1:00 pm Kripalu YogaDance
2:00–2:50 pm Transforming Stress
With the economic challenges facing so many of us, stress is the single greatest medical risk to maintaining good health. Come learn how stress affects your health and how self care is your best insurance policy.
4:15–5:45 pm Kripalu Gentle and Vigorous Yoga Classes
4:15–6:15 pm Kripalu Extended Moderate Yoga Class
7:30–9:00 pm Whole Foods Cooking Demo
Join us for a comprehensive talk and hands-on demonstration on the joys and benefits of whole food cooking. Learn simple methods for a healthier diet that you can maintain throughout the year.

It is so on! (Hippy Style)

Current Celebrity Obsession: Peter Sarsgaard

I used to be seriously freaked out by Peter Sarsgaard, then I realized he was doing it on purpose. Probably most queers will remember him as one of the rapists in Boys Don't Cry, which was a convincing and terrifying portrayal. For a while his beady eyes and greasy hair were the personification of evil.

But slowly my opinion of Peter started to changed. It helped that since then he has played in such homo loving movies as Kinsey and Garden State (OK, Garden State is totally hetero and not gay at all, but I love it). He has continued to take creepy roles, but I think he brings complexity and depth to each character.

When I heard he was with Maggie Gyllenhaal (isn't it weird how they both have two a's at the end of their names?), I thought "This guy has got to be cool." Last year he starred in Chekov's The Seagull on Broadway, which my friend Jess said was amazing, and now he and Maggie are both doing Uncle Vanya--could he get cooler? Apparently yes, because he referred to Maggie, his fiancee and baby mama, as his "lover" in a recent interview. So cute. Here is a fun quote from my friend, and fellow Catholic, Peter:

"I like the death-cult aspect of Catholicism. Every religion is interested in death, but Catholicism takes it to a particularly high level...Seriously, in Catholicism, you're supposed to love your enemy. That really impressed me as a kid, and it has helped me as an actor...The way that I view the characters I play is part of my religious upbringing. To abandon curiosity in all personalities, good or bad, is to give up hope in humanity."

You are so intriguing Mr. Sarsgaard, who would have thought there'd be a special place in my heart for you?

Jack Black is Gay Jebus

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... from Jack Black

Monster Child

This kid is like the GOP version of Britney Spears; equally brainwashed and hell bent on destruction.

No Mas!

Please stop snowing, snow. I can't take it anymore. Between you and homework, I just can't deal anymore. Spring break isn't for another week, I have a f-ing copy editing midterm on Thursday, and you are crushing my will to live. That's not what you want is it, snow?

I know you have a reputation for being harsh to even the most gentle creatures, but all I am asking is for you to go away and not come back for another year. I think it's a reasonable request, which I hope you will honor.

You Commie-Homo-Loving-Sons-a-Guns

The Gayest Oscars Ever



I began to suspect that Sean Penn was more than just a raging meat head after I read about this process in making Into the Wild, directorial debut. But when I saw him in Milk this year my love was confirmed. My earliest memories of him are from the 1980s when he dated Madonna and beat up photographers. I never would have suspected that he would become one of my faves.

I am also very proud to "live in a country that is willing to elect an elegant man president." But I'm pretty sure Mickey Rourke is not my brother.



I also think it's super cool that Cleve Jones works for UNITE HERE!

Look At Me!

it is a terrible life choice, isn't it?

more than nine lives

today my dog, bailey, ate the present i had planned to send to abby in the sudan: 56 oz of m&m's. holy f. i came down the stairs with copy editing homework as my biggest concern, only to be met with two giant puddles of dog barf. help me jebus.

i feel sad because he got poisoned and i should have moved the bag to higher ground. the good news is the beast is giant, and the chocolate didn't kill him (it just made him crazier). the bad news is i don't think i can get my mom to buy another bag of m&ms (sorry abby!), and i can't buy any because i am broke until my tax return comes in.

this is us in happier times.

This Momentus Moment

Greener pastures, you know?

Dance, Dance, Revolution

100 days, 100 songs, 100 locations, 100 dances.


BOOMBOX from Ely Kim on Vimeo.

This guy is a hero, check out his kitten shirt in #15!

In the Water

Many days I wake up irritable and stressed about the amount of homework I have to do and the errands that remain undone (I need to get a MA license STAT. DMV, you are a hell hole). Unless I have to get to campus, I eat breakfast, do some homework, and then go for a swim. The YMCA is a bare-bones facility, that I wish was cleaned more regularly, but in the water everything is blue and clear. And when I get out, I am so much happier. So even if I don't get an 100 percent (not %!) on my copy editing homework, at least I swam half a mile today.

Vagina Power

My friend sent this to me on Facebook. It was sent to her by her mother and she forwarded it to her whole family. This is what I can find about this amazing woman:

Alexyss Tylor is the host of “Vagina Power”, an Atlanta public access TV show, which she hosts with her mother. Her specialty, as stated on the official Alexyss Taylor website, is talking about “the spiritual understanding of the power of the vagina, penis, and sperm.”


Watching this made me gives thanks for feminism, cable access, and family bonding in equal measure.

We Are All Inspired By Kittens

Water Sports

I don't feel sorry for Michael Phelps, he seems like an arrogant man, and we all know where hubris leads. However, I think he is a force for good and not evil because he served as inspiration for me to start swimming again. Nothing looked better than watching the swimming competition when after spending hours in my hot little car and then finally making it to someone house. I don't usually enjoy tv, but all I needed was a glass of chilled white and I was a happy weasel.

I was on the swim team when I was younger and it's amazing how the muscle memory is still there after all those years. I have been swimming several days a week for a little over a month now and I already feel myself improving. I think Michael would agree that's something to celebrate.

The Life

I finished Point Foundation scholarship with 24 hrs to spare. Now I just have to be selected for an interview...keep your fingers crossed dear readers. Mama needs an apartment of her own.

On Friday night I had a hot date with my BFF Torrance. She took me to, Greezo, the raw vegan Italian restaurant in the North End. It was a weird experience, but I love having friend dates with the Meow. I vetted my six month hair style plan with her. Torrance has the flyest fashion, so her feedback is crucial. I feel good about the direction I'm going in. Now if I could just find a decent stylist my problems would be solved.

I'm coming tiny creature!
I bought my ticket for Costa Rica last night. My cousin and I are going on a very affordable yoga/surfing retreat lead by my acupuncturist, who was a high school classmate. I have never seen a monkey before, can you believe it? A few other good friends are also attending, it's going to be amazing. A great way to celebrate completing my first year of grad school.

Darling goldie locks, Natalie T, is coming up to visit in a week. I can't wait to sink my shark teeth into her tiny bum bum (I mean this metaphorically).

I am Old Now

Because:

• I walk in circles around my house before remembering what I got up to do
• I listen to classical music while studying and enjoy it
• A party that starts at 8:30pm sounds just right to me
• I am going to my second gay wedding this summer
• My dad's best friends and my best friend's 65 year-old mom have Facebook accounts
  

A Few Good Things

• My dog got so excited when I was singing the other day that he jumped up on his hind legs and danced with me.
• When I was half naked in the locker room yesterday an old woman asked if the tattoo on my back hurt and I said yes. Then she said "But you just wanted it so much, you just kept on!" She was under 5 ft tall and had a cane.
• I got an alarm and an automatic starter installed on my car.
• I am closer than ever to finishing my Point Foundation application.
  
• I am almost done with vile Lolita.
  

For You

• Lolita is as disgusting and brilliant as I remembered
• I like being an artist, it's a noble thing, even if I have to live with my mom
• I like being in grad school, even if the stress of homework interferes with my sleep
• I drank delicious beer while studying with my cousin today, what's cuter than that?
• I am going to run screaming with joyful relief when I finish the Point Foundation scholarship application process

"Hi, I'm 12. Do you like my sun bonnet?"

silent scream of procrastination

it's only the second week of school and already i am 120 pages behind in the reading for my copy editing class. how can this be possible!?!

the stress of it all is affecting my sleep. as in, i can't. after going to sleep at mid-night last night i woke up at 3am having a panic attack and proceeded to do homework and clean my room until 6am when it was clearly time for breakfast. tonight's not looking so good on the sleeping front either, might have to refill that ativan prescription after all.

Where's My Snow Day?!?

It's snowing, but Emerson hasn't canceled classes yet. I'm inclined to think this means they probably won't, which makes finishing the last 60 pages of Pride and Prejudice imperative. Reading 19th Century stuff always puts me in a weird mood. I start talking like them in my head.

For example:
Mother, though it doth vext me much to inform you it appears there is a small creature dwelling on the interior of our domicile. For nearly a fortnight I have heard a peculiar scratching coming from within the wall.

Is it a bat, is it a mouse? I can't know, but it's cold outside and I'm a vegetarian. So I'm putting off calling the exterminator.

Mushroom Baby

Last night I felt sad pondering questions of life and death (duh), so to distract myself (my fav coping mechanism) I began obsessing about the material items I don't have but want (thank you capitalism!) or just things I could consume (thank you addiction!). What was first on my short list? Enough kombucha mushroom tea to never have to visit those rip off jerks at Whole Foods again.

Thanks to the generosity of a Craigslist stranger, I now sit before you, 24 short hours later, the proud owner of a big yeasty mass. I had to drive to Waban to get my schroom from a tiny Eastern European lady who's husband won't touch the stuff. Felt like I was apart of some secret society of hippies. So awesome.

I am going to combine the magic healing powers of my ginger wellness tea with kombucha--I can't wait. I'm pretty sure I've discovered the fountain of youth. Look out world, cause I'm gonna live forever. But maybe that's not good news since I tend to be chronically depressed. In any case, let the brewing begin!

PS I plan to buy the wild fermentation book and start making my own kraut too.

What Not To Do

How NOT to be an ally (or how to be the most inappropriate white person in a crowd):

1. Don't talk and laugh at a silent funeral procession protesting the siege on Gaza
2. Don't shout "Terrorists!" at a cop car full of barking police dogs, it may scare the innocent Muslim people around you (we're talking women and children here).
3. Don't hit other protesters with the giant cardboard coffin you are carrying

Yes, I did all those things today. I'm just glad I could do my part as another anti-racist white activist paving the road to hell with my good intentions.

The Twilight of My Intellect

I had all sorts of academically virtuous plans for my winter break which included reading a bunch of books on the craft of writing. But the holidays hit, bringing the inevitable hysterical breakdown, so I decided I needed a break. Since I am still the age of an adolescent girl emotionally, I knew the Twilight series would be for me. I have been loving me some vampire tales since before I could even pronounce the words repressed sexuality.

Just as Interview with the Vampire was considered a metaphor for the AIDS crisis in the 1980s, Twilight has been dubbed Mormon abstinence porn. I was enjoying it until the vampires exited stage left in the second book. Now I'm afraid to go back to school because I'm afraid Stephanie Meyer has destroyed my will to write anything other than passionate tales of unrequited love happening to improbably beautiful and skinny teen-age girls. Just like my childhood (giggle, giggle).

This is me

Making love to my macbook.
As Britney says:
"I got your crazy."

Love Like This

I have never known love like this before. My macbook pro is a sweet dream from heaven. I am so happy I finally took the plunge. Ahhhh.